Don’t Be Afraid To Take An Old Soul’s Approach

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Left , left, left, left, right. Left left, eh.. maybe right? Why not, RIGHT.

You swipe and swipe all day long. You suddenly see your college roommate’s brother, get really embarrassed, consider deactivating rather than risk him telling her you are on the same dating app as him, yet you calm down, take another sip of wine, change your mind, and go back to swiping.

Oh the beauty of our generation! The glorious swiping apps that make finding “love” as easy as choosing to match with someone on a collection of four of five pictures they filtered and selected to use on their profile. The pictures are normally accompanied by some super witty line that is meant to peak your interest and hopefully get you to swipe right instead of left.

Although apps like Bumble and Tinder seem harmless, and sometimes even fun, I want to give you three reasons to re-consider what’s really going on, before you open that phone and get back to searching for “the one”

Disclaimer: I myself have used both of these apps, and I know these points won’t resonate with all. But, while there are exceptions to everything, I find these three things to be pretty spot on with what I’ve experienced while using dating apps like Bumble and Tinder.

Guys no longer have to pursue you

This ideal might seem outdated, but I think at the core of everything, it still rings true today. Guys are to purse girls. That’s just the way it works. They are natural hunters and they actually want to have a chase. The problem with apps like Bumble and Tinder is that it takes away the art of the pursuit. When you have hundreds of girls at your disposal, why would you ever need to relentlessly try to pursue? The thing about these apps are that they take the art of the chase out of the picture, thus making it easier for guys to get off the hook with steps they need to take to win you over. You start to see a decline in how you are approached online and it’s inevitable that the more options guys have at their disposal to swipe through, the less effort they will put in to pursuing a girl if there are hundreds of others at their fingertips. This is harmful for them as well. Guys want to pursue, but if it’s easier than ever for them to avoid it, they will lose that part of them that makes the art of pursuit even possible.

Girls lose in this equation

This post is not all about the guys. Girls are just as guilty of ruining the dating game by using these apps. There is nothing wrong with “putting yourself out there” and I get that life gets lonely and your search to find someone can lead you to use a dating app. But there is a right way to get out there. And I personally don’t think it’s with these apps. If you want a quality relationship, there has to be another way to find it without the countless options presented to you online. And if you have ever used these apps, you know just as well as I do that finding quality is much harder to find in the quantity of options available to you. You are worthy of something more than “Netflix and chill” or meeting him for a nightcap after he’s spent the night downtown with his friends. You have to demand more for yourself to get more. And it all starts with not settling. Using these apps will slowly but surely cause you to settle. After countless interactions like the ones I described, you will start to believe this is just how dating works now and that you can’t expect more than what you are currently being offered by the guys you have matched with.

What’s wrong with being old-fashioned?

The last reason I recommend going offline to find someone is because I think you will find that there is more honesty and more people looking for something real in the actual “real world.” A guy who is brave enough to approach you in person, at the store, the library (who still goes to libraries?), or even on a night out, means there is most likely a MUCH better chance that he is the type of guy that will take initiative. One that will pursue you the right way. Take you out during the daylight hours, respect you and your time, and treat you how you should be treated. So just consider going offline for a bit and living your life, becoming the best you that you can be. You never know who you might meet.

Like I said in my disclaimer, all of these points are my own opinion and things I have gathered from my experience using these apps. While some people don’t want anything serious at the moment, I write this for any girl that does. You have to be different, think differently, and live differently in order to get the relationship you are looking for. Be someone you would want to be with, treat yourself and others how you would expect to be treated and pursued. Log off, go outside, and meet new people in real time, and see if things don’t start looking up for you in regards to your dating life!

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  1. I’m laughing at this to some degree because I tried a dating site before I met my wife. I went through a divorce and convinced myself that I would not meet a godly woman where I lived (so I found women who faked godliness on the other side of a profile). God stepped in through a coworker and introduced me to my wife. I thank God He did.

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